In my family I am more of the independent one, the competitive one, and probably considered the lazy one too. I can be a leader, or the one my sisters look to when times are troubling, but most often that part goes to my oldest sister, Sammi. She is the initial one her three younger siblings, Betsy, myself, and Hayley usually turn to. Betsy is a year older then me. She typically will look to Sammi for just about all her advice, although if she isn’t answering her cell phone, like most times, Betsy will call me to find out what to do. When I have a problem, I will turn to Sammi first too. Even before my dad. She always needed to step up and be older then she actually is, ever since she was in 5th or 6th grade. Around the time my mom started working.
For the longest time growing up my mom babysitter, pretty much running a day care in my house. When she started working though, the burden of keeping everyone on track when my dad wasn’t home turned to Sammi. She would be the one who had to make sure everyone got their chores done, then proceed to do her own, while trying to not allow fights to escalate. Most often though it would turn into me and her fighting. One time it got so out of hand that we ended up breaking our phonebook. That was not a good day, because since Sammi was the one in charge, she was right. I wasn’t. Even in the rare times I actually was right my other two sisters wouldn’t back me up. I never ended up winning those fights, because in the end I would be in trouble somehow. But even with all that going on, Sammi still would have to find time to make dinner, and do her homework. She was the perfect role model for me and my other two sisters because with all that going on, she only ever had 1 B on a report card, in 4th grade math, and strait As the rest of her career throughout high school.
All that did come with perks though. With 4 kids, our basement could be littered with toys at times. So on the occasional weekend when it was time to finally clean the basement, it meant put the toys back all in the right containers and in place. Sammi would always come up with the brilliant plan of dumping all the toys out, enough to cover the entire basement, and reorganize everything. That is all she had to do though. Within about 15 minutes of her getting the basement an even bigger mess she would be upstairs watching some old movie on TV with my parents. When I would try that I would be told to get downstairs and clean up the huge mess. It just wasn’t fair.
Sammi had to do this until she was a sophomore in high school. At that time I was in 8th grade. It was the time span between about Valentine’s Day until Easter. My sisters were all out of the house, I forget where, and my mom was gone also. It was when my dad broke the news to me. I always had a different kind of relationship with him then my sisters. When I was younger bed time was at 9. About an hour after bed time though, my dad would check to see if I was still awake, and if so, I was allowed to watch the rest of the Rangers game that was on. It was something I always tried to stay awake for, waiting for him to say I could come out from bed and watch the hockey game with him. When he broke the news that my mom wanted a divorce though, it was tough. I didn’t know how to handle this, and my dad was sitting in front of me crying. I had now idea how to react to what was happening.
The concept of divorce was not something I ever thought I had to worry about. I always heard kids talk about it in school, but I never thought in a million years I would have to deal with it, but yet here it was, right in front of me, happening before I knew it could. I was sitting on the couch in my living room and I started petting my puppies, less then a year old at the time. My dad turned the TV off before saying anything, so I knew it was a big deal. I guess he didn’t know how else, or who else to say it to. It was just me and him in our house, my house, and he had this huge rain cloud pushing down on him, fogging up the room. He was sitting in his old dark blue broken recliner. I was to his right, where our couch was pushed up against the wall. His face got red, but it wasn’t because he was angry. He started crying right in front of me. I think at that moment is when I started to share this leadership role with Sammi.
The Friday after Easter we moved out. Sammi, my dad and I went to one house, and Betsy and Hayley went with my mom. I don’t remember if I was the one that told her what was going to happen with my parents, or if I was told not to mention anything. My mom was angry though. She even asked me a few times if she should go through with it. Isn’t that ridiculous? Asking your son if you should divorce his dad? The whole experience changed every relationship in my family. For me, I had surprisingly better relationships with everyone, except for my mom that is. Sammi and I grew really close together. I think that is how we got through the situation without problems. After 8th grade I transferred school districts too, which apparently is supposed to give people a lot of stress. I guess with all that had happened, it was easy to take on a new challenge because I knew it would be easier to get through.
It was made easy in a way, because Sammi was going to my new school for half a day too for a program she got into. I followed her into the same program when I was a junior. The day she left for college though is another time I won’t forget soon. Her freshmen year in college was spent at a school in Maine. The name of the school is Bowdoin, a small division 3 school that is 12 hours from where we lived. Over the previous 2 years of living together we gained a closer relationship then I had with Betsy and Hayley. We would be able to share problems with each other, talk to each other when angry or upset with something, or even just to hang out. I realized that me and Sammi had a lot better relationship then a lot of my friends had with their siblings. They always seemed to be at odds with each other, fighting constantly, but we didn’t. I didn’t fight that much with any of my sisters actually. The divorce brought my sisters and me together like nothing else could. I know for a fact that my relationships with Sammi, Betsy and Hayley would all be drastically different if we still lived in the same house, our house that we grew up in. But the day Sammi moved out, which seemed like for good, I was losing my security blanket, the person who I could always go to when I needed something, anything really. It was hard watching her pull out of my driveway with my dad driving and grandma next to him. Sammi was in the back, next to a pile of her belongings, and the last thing I saw as they pulled away were tears strolling down her cheeks.
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1) About his role in the family.
ReplyDelete2) His role in the family and dealing with his sisters and their relationships between each of them.
3) When your dad sat down with you while you were watching T.V and told you about the divorce.
3b)The toy scene is kind of confusing to me, explain more of why you put it in there.
4) We can see that you are an emotional person and that when something new or negative happens you learn from it and build from it.
5) To extend this piece you should should give a lot more descriptive detail about when your father told you about the divorce, explain more about how it made you feel and emphasis how big of an impact it had on the rest of the family as well.
6) You don't so much ask yourself questions but more of you asking the reader the question ex: Isn’t that ridiculous? Try to fit more questions in about how the divorce made you feel.
7) You do a pretty good job at not assuming whats going up but you should describe more of what the scene around you looks like as you talk about an event.
8) Some commentary but you could fit more commentary in around when you are talking about you and your sister?
9) I feel as though you more or less tell us how you are feeling, you are right on the edge of it though. You just need to give more details about how it made you feel inside when you heard the big news or when your sister left.
Overall good memoir so far, you can extend this a lot more if you just give more descriptive details and explain how you are feeling about each situation that happens to you.
1) This is about when your dad told you that he and your mother were getting a divorce.
ReplyDelete2) This is really about how you and the way that you fit into your family- the role that you fit into.
3) The most compelling part is when your dad told you about the divorce. I think that it wasn't him telling you, but the explanation of how you reacted, what you felt, and what you were doing at the time that was the most important to the story.
3b) Sammi is confusing. So she is the sister and the babysitter or just the babysitter? Also how is dumping out toys on the floor a perk? That was confusing a little.
4) This piece tells me that you are strong. Not too much into extra words. You get to the point but describe enough so that I understand. Your voice is simple and a little sad. Not too strong of a reaction to much.
5) If you had to extend this you could add more detail. But I don't think that is your style. So I think that you could elaborate more on how all the relationships in your family changed. Did the distance change the relationships you had with your sisters?
6) You asked questions. Maybe not directly, but when you expressed your amazement at your mom's questions or why you didn't know why they were really divorcing. Maybe more direct questions would be better.
7) You describe everything well. I am only confused about Sammi still.
8) You break sometimes between when you are going to tell the reader how you feel. When you talk about what you were doing after your dad told you, the story and your emotions blend a little.
9) You don't show very much how you feel. Maybe more description would help.
10) The topic of this essay is one that I would not claim to relate to, because my parents are not divorced. But many of my friends have gone through this and we can all relate to sadness or loss. I felt the strength that you had during this though.
1)Your relationship with Sammi.
ReplyDelete2)Your security with your sister.
3)The most compelling part is the end when your sister leaves, and I liked the bit about the hockey games with your Dad. It was cute. I feel like the divorce could be more compelling, or should be, but I think I'm numb to the feeling of divorces. I love that it's you and three girls. I know nothing of sisters and find that situation interesting.
3b)I'm not confused here.
4)I believe this shows a writer, I think that I get a sense of who you are and what's important to you.
5)I think this would be easy to extend. Talking more about Sammi seems easy for you. I'd like to know if your relationship changed any since she left. I also would like to hear more about your mother, what's that relationship like?
6)You don't really seem to ask yourself questions, but that seems fitting here. I think there are places you could if that's something you'd like to do.
7)I'm pretty clear on what's going on, not too confusing.
8)I think you have a decent blend of scenes and commentary so far.
9)I think you both show us and tell us how you feel. Mostly tell though, imply a tad bit more if possible.
Good job!
Grammer ish:
ReplyDeleteShe is the initial one her three younger siblings, Betsy, myself, and Hayley usually turn to.---comma after one
When I have a problem, I will turn to Sammi first too.--Omit too
Even before my dad.--incomplete sentence
Summary after reading of first paragraph----I am a little confused as to whats going on and where you are going with this. Not that there is a need for a thesis but it seems like there isn't a lot of direction, at this point.
"For the longest time growing up my mom babysitter, pretty much running a day care in my house." ?????
"because since Sammi was the one in charge," --just put since Sammi was the one in charge..
"I wasn’t." --Very artistic! Well written sentence, Bravo!
-->Bobby man, you need some commentary!! Commentary! Please!
"When I would try that I would be told to get downstairs and clean up the huge mes" get should be go..Also this paragraph would be much more interesting if it was shown and not told...Just an idea...
Incomplete I have more to add rurr..