In Fathers, Sons, & Brothers, Bret Lott takes small events and makes them have a much greater importance. He does this by... (says he cannot describe so he makes them into a much greater importance then what they actually are to help convey how he feels about them.) Lott shows this through 2 examples; the drive out to Wadmalaw Island, and when he is looking at Zeb ride his bike when he is only four years old (look at Sound, maybe change this example). He focuses in on these small, seemingly meaningless events, but by going through the depth of description on them can show how great these events are to him. (tone, word choices. add another sentence here to clear up.)
(clear up this sentence, make more of an intro)
In Wadmalaw he waits until the end to talk about this. Lott says, "Though she does not know this yet, the view from here is the most beautiful gift I can remember Melanie giving me, and already I'm lining up words in the back of my head to give back to her once we drive back home... words that will amount,I know already, only to a meager translation of all I've seen"(149). This part is significant to the essay, and stands out by itself. When reading, there is a sense of uplifting in the tone of his writing at this time. Before he was describing how wonderful this event is, but yet says he only falls short of being able to actually reflect it all in his writing. This leaves the reader with a guess at what he is experiencing, but really its no guess at all. (He tells more through admitting that his words are only a "meager translation" of it all then his actual ability to describe the scene.){go off of this sentence) As a reader one feels that they are in a better place experiencing what Lott was actually going through on the drive back to Melanie. He was at a complete awe, and ease with that moment, that view, and through his writing leaves the reader where he is, in almost a mystical translation of what he actually saw.
Lott also does this when talking about watching Zeb chase the Boy Scout down the street.... (will continue on this idea in 900 word post)....
Through these two descriptions Lott lifts the reader to almost an innocent state, one of complete wonder as to what he is going through, and yet, knowing the same feeling.
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1) In Fathers, Sons, & Brothers, by Bret Lott, Lott takes small events that he says he cannot describe so he makes them into a much greater importance then what they actually are to help convey how he feels about them. That is the thesis. I know what idea you're planning on talking about here, but this is very difficult to read and understand. Especially if it were someone unfamiliar with the book. The idea is good though for sure.
ReplyDelete1b) Author, check! Title, check!
2)You're using quotes, and fitting quotes. I don't think you have a problem supporting them. It's more about being clear in what you're trying to say.
3)I think you summarize the proper amount.
4)It's possible some could see these events as being monumental. Some may not see them as minute moments that he blows up to make a point. So, you may want to justify why you think they're only random little moments.
5)Check your words. It's "than" sometimes, not "then." Try "two examples of this ARE shown," not "is shown." Typos. It's "show" not "sow." :) "Lott writes" may work better than "Lott says." I myself am poor with punctuation, so I hope there are no mistakes there. :/
6)You seem very confident in your argument. I feel like you know how to do this topic and make it seem like fact, you just need to work on making it clear to your audience because right now there are many confusing parts.
7)Like I said, I think your ideas are good for your thesis. And, I think you know what you're doing.
Overall, it's a good idea, you just REALLY need to work on making it less awkward. It's difficult to read through and understand. That's the only main thing in my opinion.
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ReplyDelete1.Thesis: In Fathers, Sons, & Brothers, by Bret Lott, Lott takes small events that he says he cannot describe so he makes them into a much greater importance then what they actually are to help convey how he feels about them. I'm guessing that's your thesis, its not very clear.
ReplyDelete1b. Both the title and the author is stated.
2.The quotes you use support your thesis really well, but I would go back and try to make the supporting detail more clearer.
3. Not to much summarizing you did a pretty good job at staying away from that, but you maybe need more to make your point more clear and effective.
4. Some of the events may seem big to you but maybe they were just a small memory of his past? It could totally be based on opinion, its just a matter of how you decide to look at it or not.
5. First paragraph show not sow. You may want to go back and reread for punctuation errors.
6. Your very confident with your argument and you have good quotes supporting it. You just need to go back and make things more clearer and not scattered. Just organize your thoughts more.
7.You seem to stay on track well, just your ideas are scattered. You have a good idea, I never really thought of it the way you put, but it makes since. All you need to do it just get your ideas organized and more clear.